Free Passive-Aggressive Test — How Passive-Aggressive Am I?

Published: October 27, 2023
Last Reviewed: May 12, 2026

Passive-aggressive behavior is one of the most common — and most misunderstood — patterns in human communication. It’s not dramatic. It’s not loud. It doesn’t announce itself. It looks like withdrawing when you’re upset rather than saying so. Like saying “fine” when nothing is fine. Like forgetting to do something that you quietly resented being asked to do. Like holding a grudge that never gets addressed, but never quite dissolves either.

Most people who rely on passive-aggressive patterns don’t experience themselves as being indirect or resistant. They experience themselves as avoiding unnecessary conflict — keeping the peace, not causing scenes, being the reasonable one. The indirectness feels like self-control. The resentment feels like a realistic assessment of the situation. The subtle retaliations feel proportionate.

That gap between how passive-aggressive behavior feels from the inside and how it affects relationships from the outside is what makes it worth examining honestly. This free passive-aggressive test maps your patterns across 20 situations — how you handle conflict, frustration, disappointment, and unmet needs — and shows you where indirect communication is shaping your relationships in ways you may not have fully recognized.

What Is Passive-Aggressive Behavior?

Passive aggression is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings — frustration, resentment, anger, or resistance — rather than addressing them openly. The “passive” element refers to the indirect form of expression: withdrawal, silence, procrastination, subtle sabotage, or the cold shoulder. The “aggressive” element refers to the underlying hostility or resistance that drives those behaviors, even when it is never stated directly.

The term originated after World War II and was initially used to describe soldiers’ indirect insubordination. It was formally included in clinical psychology in the first edition of the DSM in 1952, where it was listed alongside passive-dependent and aggressive types under “Passive-Aggressive Personality.” The construct was refined in subsequent DSM editions but was eventually removed from DSM-5 as a formal personality disorder category, partly because passive aggression is now understood as a behavioral pattern and communication style that can appear across many contexts and conditions rather than a discrete diagnosable disorder (PMC, 2022).

Today, passive-aggressive behavior is understood as one of the most commonly identified interpersonal patterns in clinical and everyday contexts — present across relationships, workplaces, and family systems — and one that responds meaningfully to self-awareness and assertiveness-focused intervention.

What Does Passive-Aggressive Behavior Look Like?

Passive-aggressive patterns are often invisible to the person exhibiting them and highly visible to everyone else. Here are the most common forms it takes — described from the inside, as people experiencing them typically describe them:

Withdrawal and silence. When you’re upset or feel unheard, the response is to become quiet, cold, or distant rather than to say what’s wrong. You’re communicating your displeasure — but indirectly, in a way that requires the other person to notice and ask rather than directly stating what you need. From the inside, this feels like not causing unnecessary drama. From the outside, it reads as stonewalling.

Saying “fine” when things aren’t fine. Agreeing to things you resent, going along with decisions you oppose, saying “it’s okay” when it isn’t — and then harboring resentment that builds invisibly. The compliance is real, but the internal experience is resistant. This is the core mechanism of passive aggression: surface compliance with underlying resistance.

Procrastination as protest. Delaying tasks you’ve been asked to do — not because you can’t, but because doing them promptly feels like compliance with something you resent. Forgetting things selectively. Doing tasks slowly, incompletely, or poorly in ways that can always be attributed to accident rather than intention. This form is particularly common in workplace and family contexts where direct refusal feels unsafe or socially unacceptable.

Sarcasm and subtle commentary. Expressing frustration through remarks that are technically deniable — jokes that carry an edge, offhand comments that contain a point, “observations” that function as criticism. These are distinguishable from ordinary humor by the fact that they communicate something the person is unwilling to state directly.

Indirect retaliation. Responding to perceived slights or injuries not by addressing them but by doing something that creates a cost for the other person, without the retaliation being traceable to the original grievance. Forgetting someone’s birthday after they forgot yours. Making plans without someone who canceled on you. Withholding warmth, attention, or effort from someone who disappointed you without explaining why.

Sulking and the grudge economy. Nursing resentments that never get resolved because they’re never addressed. Building a comprehensive internal record of others’ failings. Behaving coldly in ways that others can see but can’t easily address because no complaint has been made. The person experiencing this often feels they are simply reacting appropriately to patterns of behavior. The person on the receiving end often experiences it as confusing, exhausting, and relationship-eroding.

Why People Develop Passive-Aggressive Patterns

Passive aggression is not a character flaw — it is a learned communication strategy. Specifically, it tends to develop in environments where direct expression of anger, frustration, or disagreement was unsafe, prohibited, or reliably punished.

Childhood environments where anger was forbidden. Families in which the honest expression of feelings is forbidden tend to teach children to repress and deny their feelings and to use other channels to express their frustration (Wikipedia, 2025). When direct expression of negative emotion consistently results in punishment, rejection, or family destabilization, indirect expression becomes the safer option. The child learns: “I cannot say I’m angry. But I can stop cooperating. I can go quiet. I can forget.” These adaptations were functional in that environment. The problem is that they persist into adult relationships and contexts where direct expression is actually safe — and where the indirect patterns create costs that the original environment’s dangers justified.

Learned helplessness and conflict avoidance. Some passive-aggressive patterns develop not from punishment specifically but from a more diffuse experience of having feelings dismissed, minimized, or invalidated. If expressing needs directly has consistently not worked — if the response has been to be told you’re too sensitive, too demanding, or making things difficult — the implicit lesson is that direct expression is futile. Indirect expression becomes the way of influencing situations without putting oneself in the position of a direct request that can be denied.

Ambivalence about dependence and autonomy. Research on passive-aggressive patterns identifies a core conflict between dependence on others and the desire for self-assertion (Social Sci LibreTexts, 2024). People with strong passive-aggressive tendencies often want connection and approval while also resisting the perceived control that comes with close relationships. This ambivalence produces the characteristic pattern: surface compliance that doesn’t reflect genuine agreement, and covert resistance that allows self-assertion without direct confrontation.

Modeling and cultural context. Passive-aggressive communication patterns are frequently modeled within families and cultural contexts. When indirect communication is the norm — when everyone expresses displeasure through silence, commentary, and withdrawal rather than direct conversation — it becomes the acquired default rather than a conscious choice.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior vs. Assertive Communication

Understanding what passive aggression is requires understanding what it is not — and the most clinically important contrast is with assertive communication.

Feature	Passive-Aggressive	Passive	Assertive	Aggressive
How needs are expressed	Indirectly — through hints, silence, withdrawal, sarcasm	Not expressed — suppressed entirely	Directly and clearly — “I feel X when Y happens”	Forcefully — with blame, criticism, or demands
Conflict approach	Avoided openly, resisted covertly	Avoided — capitulates to others’ needs	Engaged directly with respect for both parties	Escalated — others’ needs dismissed
Anger expression	Expressed indirectly — sarcasm, cold shoulder, subtle retaliation	Suppressed — may become resentment over time	Acknowledged and expressed proportionately	Expressed directly, often disproportionately
Effect on relationships	Confusing, gradually corrosive — creates distance and unresolved tension	One-sided — others may take advantage; resentment builds	Mutually respectful — builds trust and clarity	Damaging — creates fear, resentment, avoidance
Internal experience	Feels like self-control and conflict avoidance	Feels like accommodation; often feels powerless	Feels honest and clear; takes practice	Feels powerful in the moment; often regretted

The key insight is that passive aggression is not the absence of aggression — it is its redirection. The frustration, resentment, or hostility is present; what changes is the channel through which it is expressed. This makes it distinctly different from genuinely passive communication (which involves suppression rather than indirect expression) and from assertive communication (which involves direct, respectful expression).

How This Passive-Aggressive Test Works

This Passive-Aggressive Test presents 20 real-world situations drawn from the most common contexts where passive-aggressive patterns appear: conflict at work, interpersonal friction with friends and partners, receiving criticism, handling disappointment, and managing disagreements. For each situation, four response options are provided — ranging from direct, assertive communication to increasingly indirect and passive-aggressive responses.

Answer based on what you would actually do — not what you think you should do. The most useful result comes from the most honest answer.

Scoring: 0 points for the first option (most direct/assertive), 1 for the second, 2 for the third, 3 for the fourth (most passive-aggressive). Total range: 0–60.

Passive-Aggressive Test

This Passive-Aggressive Test will help you indentify whether you have passive-aggressive tendencies and offer insights into your communication style.

1 / 20

How do you handle situations where you feel unheard or ignored?

I directly express my feelings.

I withdraw and become quiet.

I act coldly or distant.

I subtly sabotage the conversation.

2 / 20

How do you react when someone interrupts you while talking?

I wait and then continue talking.

I make a passive comment about interruptions.

I get irritated and withdraw from the conversation.

I interrupt them back later.

3 / 20

What do you do when a coworker doesn't contribute to a group project?

I discuss it with them and find a solution.

I do their share but feel annoyed.

I complain about them to others.

I let them fail without helping.

4 / 20

How do you react when someone makes a sarcastic joke about you?

I laugh it off or address it directly.

I pretend it doesn’t bother me.

I make an equally sarcastic comment.

I hold onto resentment.

5 / 20

How do you communicate your needs in a relationship?

I express them clearly.

I drop hints and expect them to understand.

I act moody and expect them to notice.

I withhold affection or attention.

6 / 20

What do you do when a friend forgets your birthday?

I let them know and move on.

I feel hurt but don’t say anything.

I give them the cold shoulder.

I ignore their birthday in return.

7 / 20

How do you react to someone taking credit for your work?

I address it with them.

I make passive complaints to others.

I ignore them but hold a grudge.

I retaliate in some way.

8 / 20

How do you feel when others don’t take your suggestions?

I understand and move on.

I feel unappreciated but stay quiet.

I make sarcastic comments.

I withdraw and stop contributing.

9 / 20

When you disagree with a decision, how do you handle it?

I openly express my opinion.

I go along with it but feel upset.

I complain about it to others.

I subtly resist without saying anything.

10 / 20

How do you express frustration when someone is late?

I acknowledge it and move on.

I make a small passive remark.

I act irritated but don’t say anything.

I make them wait next time.

11 / 20

If someone disappoints you, how do you show it?

I talk to them about it directly.

I act distant but don’t explain why.

I bring up past mistakes instead.

I make sarcastic remarks.

12 / 20

How do you behave when you feel left out?

I express my feelings calmly.

I pretend it doesn’t bother me but feel resentful.

I make passive comments about it.

I exclude others in return.

13 / 20

When asked for help, how do you react?

I help if I can or decline politely.

I agree but complain later.

I reluctantly help but subtly sabotage.

I refuse but make them feel bad for asking.

14 / 20

If a friend gives you an unwanted gift, how do you respond?

I thank them and appreciate the effort.

I accept it but make a subtle joke about it.

I accept it but complain to someone else.

I give them an equally thoughtless gift later.

15 / 20

How do you handle a mistake you made at work?

I admit it and correct it.

I deny responsibility but feel guilty.

I blame others subtly.

I intentionally underperform on similar tasks.

16 / 20

How do you approach disagreements?

I express my views directly and listen to others.

I downplay my feelings but feel frustrated.

I make passive remarks instead of discussing the issue.

I avoid the issue but act coldly.

17 / 20

When a friend cancels plans last minute, how do you react?

I understand and reschedule.

I say it’s fine but feel upset.

I subtly guilt-trip them later.

I make plans without telling them next time.

18 / 20

How do you typically respond to feedback or criticism?

I accept it openly and consider it.

I say I’m fine but feel resentful.

I act indifferent but hold a grudge.

I subtly undermine the person giving feedback.

19 / 20

How do you handle tasks assigned to you that you don’t want to do?

I complete them without issue.

I delay starting but eventually do them.

I procrastinate and find excuses.

I do them poorly on purpose.

20 / 20

When someone upsets you, how do you typically react?

I calmly express my feelings.

I ignore them but expect them to notice.

I make sarcastic remarks instead of discussing it.

I give the silent treatment.

Your score is

The average score is 34%

Understanding Your Passive-Aggressive Test Result

Score Range	Category	What It Suggests
0 – 12	Minimal Indicators	Little to no passive-aggressive communication patterns. Responses suggest a predominantly direct and assertive communication style.
13 – 24	Mild Indicators	Occasional passive-aggressive patterns in specific contexts. Generally communicates directly but holds back in some situations.
25 – 36	Moderate Indicators	Meaningful passive-aggressive patterns across multiple contexts. Indirect communication and conflict avoidance are regular features of how frustration is expressed.
37 – 48	Significant Indicators	Passive-aggressive communication patterns are a consistent feature of relationships and conflict management. Very likely affecting close relationships and work dynamics.
49 – 60	Strong Indicators	Pervasive passive-aggressive communication patterns across most contexts. Indirect expression of frustration is the dominant response to conflict.

How to Change Passive-Aggressive Patterns

The evidence base for changing passive-aggressive communication patterns is consistent and encouraging — these patterns are among the most responsive to targeted intervention, precisely because they are learned behaviors rather than fixed traits.

Recognizing the pattern in real time. The first step is developing the ability to notice passive-aggressive impulses as they arise — the impulse to go quiet rather than speak, to comply outwardly while resisting internally, to respond to disappointment indirectly. Without this awareness, the patterns operate automatically and invisibly. Journaling, mindfulness practices, and deliberate reflection on specific interpersonal incidents are the most accessible tools for developing this awareness.

Assertiveness training. The most directly evidence-supported intervention for passive-aggressive patterns. Assertiveness training teaches the skills of direct, respectful, non-aggressive expression of needs, feelings, and disagreements — the middle ground between passive-aggressive (indirect) and aggressive (forceful) communication. The core technique is the “I feel” statement: naming your internal experience directly without blaming, criticizing, or withdrawing. This sounds simple; it typically requires significant practice because direct expression activates the anxiety or discomfort that passive-aggressive behavior was originally developed to avoid.

Understanding the roots. Dr. Lorna Smith Benjamin’s Interpersonal Reconstructive Therapy (IRT) for passive-aggressive patterns is specifically built around the insight that these behaviors developed adaptively in specific relational contexts — typically family environments — and that lasting change requires understanding why the behaviors were originally useful rather than simply trying to stop them. This deeper approach is particularly relevant at higher levels of severity, where surface-level assertiveness training alone tends not to produce lasting change.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT for passive-aggressive patterns addresses the underlying beliefs that maintain the behavior — beliefs about the safety of direct expression, about others’ likely responses to direct communication, and about the relative costs and benefits of confrontation versus avoidance. Changing behavior requires changing the beliefs that make it feel necessary.

Interpersonal Therapy (IPT). Focuses on the relational patterns themselves — how passive-aggressive communication develops within specific relationship dynamics and how changing the dynamic changes the behavior. Particularly useful when passive-aggressive patterns are concentrated in specific close relationships (partner, family, specific colleague) rather than diffuse across all contexts.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is passive-aggressive behavior?

Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings — frustration, resentment, anger, or resistance — rather than stating them openly. It includes behaviors like withdrawal, the silent treatment, sarcasm, procrastination on tasks you resent, selective forgetting, making subtle negative comments, and indirect retaliation for perceived slights. The “passive” refers to the indirect form of expression; the “aggressive” refers to the underlying hostility that is being expressed through it. Most people who engage in passive-aggressive behavior experience themselves as avoiding conflict — the indirectness feels like self-control rather than resistance.

Is passive-aggressive a personality disorder?

Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder was included in earlier versions of the DSM but was removed from DSM-5, which is currently the standard diagnostic framework. It is not currently a recognized clinical diagnosis. Passive-aggressive behavior is now understood as a communication pattern and behavioral style that can appear in many contexts and alongside many conditions, rather than as a discrete personality disorder. This means that passive-aggressive tendencies don’t require a diagnosis to be clinically significant — they can meaningfully affect your relationships and quality of life at any level of severity, and they respond to intervention regardless of whether a formal disorder is present.

What causes passive-aggressive behavior?

Passive-aggressive behavior typically develops in environments where direct expression of anger, frustration, or disagreement was unsafe, prohibited, or reliably punished — particularly in childhood family contexts. When direct emotional expression consistently results in punishment, rejection, or conflict, children learn to express frustration indirectly as a safer alternative. Research also identifies inconsistent parenting, learned helplessness, and ambivalence about dependence and autonomy as contributing factors. The behavior is not a character flaw — it is a learned communication strategy that was adaptive in a specific context and has persisted beyond it.

How do I know if I’m passive-aggressive?

The most reliable indicators include: regularly going silent or cold when upset rather than saying what’s wrong; saying “fine” or “it’s okay” when things aren’t, and then feeling resentful; procrastinating on or incompletely doing tasks you were asked to do; responding to perceived slights through indirect means rather than addressing them; making sarcastic or cutting remarks rather than direct statements; and holding grudges that never get addressed or resolved. The challenge is that from the inside, passive-aggressive behavior typically feels like reasonable conflict avoidance rather than indirect aggression. This Passive-Aggressive test is designed to identify the patterns in a way that gets past the self-perception gap.

Can passive-aggressive behavior be changed?

Yes — and passive-aggressive patterns are among the communication behaviors most responsive to targeted intervention, because they are learned behaviors rather than fixed personality traits. Assertiveness training, CBT, and Interpersonal Reconstructive Therapy (IRT) all have evidence to support changing passive-aggressive patterns. The key is that change requires both behavioral practice (learning to express directly) and understanding of the underlying roots (why direct expression feels unsafe). Surface-level assertiveness practice without addressing the underlying beliefs tends to produce temporary change; lasting change typically requires both layers. Earlier intervention produces better outcomes.

What is the difference between passive-aggressive and assertive communication?

Assertive communication involves directly and clearly expressing your feelings, needs, and disagreements in a way that respects both yourself and the other person. Passive-aggressive communication expresses the same feelings indirectly — through silence, sarcasm, subtle resistance, or indirect action. The feelings being communicated are often the same; what differs is the channel. Assertive communication makes the message clear and allows for genuine resolution. Passive-aggressive communication signals displeasure without allowing the other person to respond directly, which typically produces confusion and unresolved tension rather than resolution. Assertiveness is a learnable skill — it is not the same as aggression or confrontation.

Is passive aggression related to depression or anxiety?

There are significant documented relationships between passive-aggressive behavior and both depression and anxiety. Research has found associations between self-directed passive-aggressive behavior — harmful inactivity — and depression specifically (PMC, 2022). Anxiety about conflict and its consequences is one of the primary mechanisms that maintains passive-aggressive behavior: direct expression feels threatening, so indirect expression feels safer. Borderline Personality Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorder also frequently present with passive-aggressive communication patterns as part of their broader clinical picture. When passive-aggressive behavior is comorbid with another condition, integrated treatment — addressing both the communication patterns and the underlying condition — produces better outcomes than addressing either in isolation.

Related Tests

Passive-aggressive behavior frequently co-occurs with or is confused with other patterns. These are the most clinically relevant companion assessments:

Attachment Style Test — passive-aggressive patterns are strongly associated with anxious and disorganized attachment styles; understanding your attachment patterns illuminates where the indirect communication originates
Anxiety Test — anxiety about conflict and its consequences is one of the primary drivers of passive-aggressive behavior; frequently comorbid and worth evaluating separately
Borderline Personality Disorder Test — BPD frequently includes passive-aggressive communication patterns alongside emotional dysregulation and fear of abandonment
Paranoid Personality Disorder Test — PPD involves a different form of indirect resistance; the grudge-bearing and counterattack patterns in PPD overlap with passive-aggressive tendencies
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Quiz — Covert narcissism frequently presents with passive-aggressive communication patterns; worth exploring if the indirect behavior is accompanied by entitlement and resentment of others’ success
Clinical Depression Test — depression and passive-aggressive behavior have documented associations; self-directed passive aggression and withdrawal are recognized features of depressive presentations
Imposter Syndrome Test — imposter syndrome and passive-aggressive patterns can co-occur; fear of being “found out” can drive indirect rather than direct assertion in professional contexts
Dark Triad Test — if manipulation and indirect influence are present alongside passive-aggressive patterns, the Dark Triad test can help clarify whether Machiavellianism or narcissistic features are part of the picture

For more personality and behavior quizzes, visit our full quiz collection.

References

Millon, T. (1981). Disorders of Personality: DSM-III, Axis II. Wiley. [Original formulation of negativistic personality disorder]
Benjamin, L.S. (2003). Interpersonal Reconstructive Therapy for Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder. APA PsycVideos. apa.org
Hopwood, C.J., et al. (2012). A comparison of passive-aggressive and negativistic personality disorders. PMC3328649. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Çelik Örücü, M., et al. (2022). Development and Validation of a Measure of Passive Aggression Traits: The Passive Aggression Scale (PAS). PMC9405400. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Schanz, C.G., et al. (2022). Self-directed passive-aggressive behavior as an essential component of depression. BMC Psychiatry. PMC8933131. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
EBSCO Research Starters. (2024). Passive-Aggressive Behavior. ebsco.com
Medical News Today. (2020). Passive-aggressive personality disorder: Definition, causes, treatment. medicalnewstoday.com
Wikipedia. (2025). Passive–aggressive personality disorder. en.wikipedia.org